DELAYS DELAYS DELAYS

I'm in Miami International Airport, sitting on the floor waiting for my flight to Punta Cana, when I should already be there. Our 11:30 flight out of LAX didn't leave until 2:30 AM which got us into MIA (thats the airport code for Miami airport-- which is funny because I think we all feel M.I.A. right about now) at 10:15 AM. Unfortunately our connecting flight was at 8:55 AM so we missed that bad boy.

After getting off the plane we mosied on to our new gate to get our new boarding passes for the 1:05 flight. The flight attendant at our gate was a serious asshole, and should probably reconsider his career choice (customer service WAS NOT his forte). He was dealing with a flight to Panama CIty in which 12 passengers with boarding passes were M.I.A. (and I don't mean Miami International Airport). Still, there was no reason to be a prick to us... especially considering all this mess was not our fault. We got to LAX at 8:30 in PLENTY of time to make our flight. Now, almost 12 hours and no sleep later... we were forced to listen to the rudeness of a friggin' ticket agent.

Rather than wait for asshole to corrale the missing Panama City passengers, I elected to go one gate down and speak with a nicer ticket agent. Strangely, she knew which "rude ticket agent" I was referring to when I mentioned him. But she made up for it by getting our boarding passes-- although the first time around she gave me a ticket for someone named SAYDE BRUCELIA instead of Paris. So we got our tickets and that's the end of the story, right? Wrong! because Xochil's sister's family (Luis, Reyna, Mimi, and Sabina) were NOT confirmed on the flight and are currently on stand-by for a flight that has been oversold by 12.

So, if they don't get on the flight they will have to stay overnight in Miami at a hotel (on American Airlines' dime) and get on the flight the following morning. Needless to say Luis is not happy about that. I feel bad for my good fortune, but maybe this is one of those moments where I seem like the lucky one until my flight goes down over the Atlantic. Then Luis and company can thank their lucky stars that they didnt make the flight.

It's boarding time, so I gotta run... WISH ME LUCK and... pray we don't pull an Oceanic Flight 815.

later!
b

STILL NOT ON THE PLANE

It's 11:40 and I'm still waiting...

While waiting I had a drink with Luis (Xochil's sister's husband) at the airport bar. We were bored stiff, so he offered to buy me a drink. At the bar he elected to get a shot of Johnny Walker, so I said "sure" and ordered the same (on the rocks). The bartender said... "Double shot for three dollars more?", so we agreed. At that point Luis must have regretted offering to buy me a drink because the tab for two double shots... TWENTY THREE DOLLARS. And no, they didn't give us the bottle.

So we stood around and TRIED to drink these double Johnnies on the rocks. Sadly we were not made of sterner stuff because THAT STUFF WAS NASTY. After several cringe filled sips, Luis suggested we get some coke put into our drinks. We did just that, and because of the lovely cola splash we were both able to finish our $11.50 drinks.

Now I'm slightly buzzed (I haven't eaten since 4pm) and STILL waiting for the esteemed peeps at American Airlines to start boarding our LATE ASS FLIGHT!

Again, pray that we dont crash.

:)
bri

3 POSTS IN ONE DAY!

Hi all,

I'm sitting here at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX for those in the know) waiting for my flight. Sadly, It has been delayed an hour and a half and is not set to take off until 12:55 AM PST. Right now its only 10:09 so that means I have WAAAAAAAAAAY too much time on my hands. Luckily they have a T-mobile hotspot that I am taking full advantage of (shout out to David).

I don't really have much to say... other than DAMNED AMERICAN AIRLINES!!! This is my 8th flight in the last 45 days and ONLY the 3 American flights were delayed. SO here is the score... Alaska Airlines, Delta Airlines, Horizon Air = ON TIME.... AMERICAN AIRLINES = late, late and LATE! What kind of crap is that?! Alaska Air is my new favorite... they are on time AND they have more leg room than American. American Airlines is booty.

Okay, that's all I have to say right now... hopefully I will be able to get a couple more blogs in later.

Pray my plane doesn't crash to spite me.

:)
bri

CHAPTER 6.5

Hi all... just thought I'd give you all the next chapter before I left. I dint get a chance to read it over, so I am sorry if it sucks.

CHAPTER 6.5

“What are you guys drinking over here?!” Edwin says, noticing the pair of cola beverages on the bar. “You guys are gonna have a drink with me, right?”

“No thank you.” Danny and Mae say in sync.

“C'mon, you're off the clock.”

“We can't. Were recovering alcoholics.” Dannys says.

“Agoraphobic alcoholics.” Mae corrects him.

The bad inside joke is lost on Edwin. “That's cool. I won't mess with your wagons or anything.” Edwin flags down the bartender and orders himself a light beer and a round of Jose Cuervo shots for his posse. They down the tequila and in the span of five minutes down several more, as Mae and Danny quietly observe. The group, their first two sheets already to the wind, break of into four smaller sub-groups for some obligatory company bashing.

And with three shots of liquid courage in his system, Edwin finally feels loose enough to begin his conquest of Mae. He pulls up a stool, wedging himself between Mae and Danny, and joins their non-conversation. Mae acknowledges him with a nod of the head and a half-smile, but says nothing. Edwin refuses to look directly at Danny, so there is no exchange between them. Instead, Edwin tries to engage Mae with embellished tales of his all time greatest drunken stupors. Yet he finds her a less than captivated audience. Her intolerance of him is compounded further by his wandering eyes, which seem to be holding their own separate conversation with Mae's breasts. She yawns and orders another round of cokes for Danny and herself, as Edwin concludes his monologue. She doesn't see Joan walk into the now well packed bar. Instead, she makes eye contact with Danny who is already trying to accomplish the same thing. An unspoken understanding is established between them. As if achieved via some psychic transmission, each expresses to the other, the desire to leave the bar together so they may be allowed a some privacy. The vibe is more than sexual, although there is definitely a lust factor involved. The desire for privacy is primarily to satisfy their individual needs to learn more about each other. They are both drawn to one another, feeling an inevitability about their relationship. Unfortunately, their sense of decorum, and fear of emotional ramifications, prohibits them from leaving. Instead they weather the storm that is Edwin, patiently enduring the hurricane winds blowing out of his mouth.

Joan is fashionably late to everything, including events that don't warrant such protocol. It is no surprise then, that she arrives thirty minutes into this little get together. Her arrival is first noticed by Henrietta Budge, who, in the throes of some serious intoxication, stumbles over to greet her. Joan tries to look for Danny, but is dragged into Henrietta's group before finding him. Henrietta forces her to do two rounds of shots before Joan breaks away to find Danny. Feigning a need to urinate, she escapes her new best friend's clutches and hunts down Danny. She is surprised and a little hurt to see Mae there, not because she senses Mae's attraction to him (she doesn't), but because Mae had flat out refused to go with her. For the first time since sixth grade, Joan feels slighted by someone she calls a friend. It is an alien feeling that she finds unacceptable, so she buries it down deep inside, placing it in an unmarked grave beside those middle school memories of betrayal that still haunt her. She forces her bubbly nature to come to the surface, giving out a round of hugs. She takes a seat next to Danny and unfurls her social butterfly wings.

Immediately, the dynamic of the group changes, as Joan forces her will upon the group like the oratory shaman that she is, and resurrects the floundering conversation. Even Mae is compelled to contribute to the conversation, in spite of the two-pronged discomfort caused by Edwin's unsavory intentions, and her desire to leave with Danny. Joan draws them in with a light hearted conversation that is innocuous and free of the hidden agenda beneath Edwin's prattling. She knows that stealth and guile are required when stalking prey, and is sober enough to act according.

“You guys may think I'm stupid.” Joan says. “But I used to drive by this place, and think it was a gay bar.”

“Why?” asks Edwin.

“The name. Hardballs. It sounds gay.” Danny chimes in. “I thought the same exact thing.”

“Me too.” Says Mae. All but Edwin, still slow on the uptake, are amused.

“If I had my own gay sports bar, I'd call it 'The Catcher's Mitt'.” Joan says.

“That's great. If I had one, I'd call it 'The End Zone'.” Says Danny.

“What about 'Switch Hitters'?” Mae adds.” Of course bisexuals would be welcome, too.”

Edwin, finally catching on, starts laughing along with the rest of the group. “Wait. I got one. How about 'Homo Runs'?” Edwin says.

“Homo runs?” says Mae.

It takes a few seconds for the joke to register with the others, but the effect is quite powerful. Unfortunately, it evokes a response that is exactly the opposite of its intended purpose; it kills the moment. One by one the grinning faces are changed into wrinkled brows and blank stares. Edwin stops laughing when he realizes that he is the only one still doing so. It occurs to him (correctly) that he may have stepped over the boundaries of good taste.

“Okay, I got a better one.” Beads of nervous sweat appear on Edwin's forehead. “How about 'Cock Fighters'?”

“I don't get it?” Joan says.

“Neither do I.” says Danny. “Where's the gay reference?”

“Is cockfighting even a sport?” adds Joan.

Edwin looks to Mae for support, but she just shakes her head. Seeking to exercise damage control, he blurts out a flimsy defense for his statement without thinking it through.

“You know, fags like cock, and fighting is a sport.” He is met with the same blank stares. Edwin's sweat glands kick into overdrive. “It is a sport. And they do like cock. I mean, I hear they like cock. I'm not gay, but I have a gay friend, and he says he loves it. He really loves it. I swear. That's what he says.”

No one responds to his rambling. Instead they stare at him incredulously, like rubberneckers at the scene of an accident, horrified by the carnage but unable to keep themselves from looking.

“You know. I'm just saying…” Edwin offers. “I'm just saying what he said.”

“Of course they like cock. Who doesn't?” Danny says, enlivening the mood.

Edwin seizes the opportunity to change the subject, ordering a round of tequilas for the group. The waitress brings back four double shots of Jose Cuervo 1800.

“C'mon guys, bottoms up.” He lifts the shot glass in the air, but only Joan responds in kind.

“On the wagon, remember?” Danny gestures to Mae and himself.

“I respect that.” Says Edwin. He toasts Joan, and with a clink of shot glasses they inhale them. They then take Mae and Danny's unclaimed shots and drink those too. Edwin, his blood-alcohol level well above the legal limit, starts to feel pretty fucking intoxicated.

The four shots give Joan a nice buzz, and produce an eagerness to face the challenge seated beside her. So she spends the next ten minutes feeling Danny out, like a heavyweight contender, flicking quick jabs of innuendo, trying to find a rhythm. Danny unknowingly plays the role of Rocky Balboa in this contest. Like Rocky he is an easy target for her to hit, but to her dismay, his Italian Stallion like constitution enables him to absorb blow after blow with virtually no effect. Danny does not pick up on her intentions even after a barrage of not so thinly veiled innuendoes. He recognizes her overuse of sexual metaphors and her touchy-feely hands, used in subtle but suggestive ways, but fails to make the connection that these signs are intended for him. He automatically attributes it to her outgoing personality rather than consider it an invitation meant for him. For an intelligent man, Danny has a blind-spot when it comes to the opposite sex. He misreads their feelings with a yeoman's regularity, and is all together illiterate when it comes to reading the signs of seduction. But, Joan has a champion's fortitude, and is willing to go the distance if she believes victory is within her grasp. Little does she know that it isn't. She has no chance, since Mae has already put him on the canvas for good.

Edwin, also clueless to his doom, takes a less tactful approach. He tries to be suave and irresistible, breaking into a British super spy routine that took him years to perfect and has yielded a high degree of success in similar situations. But it was never designed for use against women with even the suggestion of self worth, so it has no effect on Mae. In fact, the only indication she gives that she is even listening to his slurred, third rate cockney accent, are the drawn-out yawns that she makes no effort to conceal. Failure of his James Bond schtick gives way to basic gawking as Edwin's alternative tactic. Although, in the entire history of man's mating practices there is no known record of this device ever working, Edwin ogles at Mae as though she were a burlesque dancer flaunting her wares. He does so until she is so uncomfortable that she gets up to go to the bathroom. He trails behind, and waits for her by the restroom door. Danny watches from the corner of his eye, just in case he is forced to intervene on her behalf. Edwin tries to shake of the intoxication so he can muster up one last assault on Fort Mae. She comes out of the restroom and he lays siege.

“Can I tell you something?” Edwin doesn't wait for a reply. “I hope this doesn't sound like a line, but I gotta say, your farts smell amazing.”

Mae decides that there is no acceptable human response to such as statement, so she says nothing.

“I'm serious. I don't care if you had ten cans of pork and beans, I'd still go down on you.”

“I'm going home now.” Mae side steps him and walks off.

Mae returns to her stool to find Joan giving Danny a hand massage as she asks him about computer networking. Danny politely tries to answer in layman's terms, even though he has little interest in the subject. Joan incorrectly assumes that because he is “tech-guy” that he loves talking about computers. Danny finds himself in a position similar to the one Mae spoke of earlier. He wonders if, in the same situation, Mae would disdain Joan's disingenuous interest in what she assumes is a passion of his. This sparks a revelation that feels like an epiphany; Joan is trying to seduce him. Her hidden agenda now clear to him, he takes back his hand in hope of stopping the strange feelings of infidelity burgeoning within.

Mae sees this gesture as an attempt to cover up Danny and Joan's budding love connection. She considers this a slight against her perpetrated by Joan upon an unsuspecting Danny. Mae assumes that Joan's sexual prowess is so powerful that Danny can't help but be sucked into her web of sin. She doesn't notice the look in his eyes that tells her otherwise. Nor does she pick up on his body language, when he turns to face her, giving Joan his back.

“You're back.” Danny says.

“It's getting late.” Mae grabs her purse. “I'll catch you guys tomorrow.”

“I'll take you to your car.” Danny gets up to leave with her, but she doesn't wait. He waves goodbye to Joan, and leaves her to feel jilted by herself. Danny catches up to Mae before she reaches the exit.

“Mae?”

“Yeah?” She keeps on walking.

“Hold on a second. I'm you're ride, remember?”

“That's okay, I'll grab a cab. You can stay.”

“I don't want to.” Danny gets her to stop and turn around. “Let me drive you back to your car. Okay?”
She decides that there is no reason to be upset with Danny. All he has ever done is act like a considerate gentleman around her. If anything, her ire should be directed at that conniving tramp she once considered a good friend. With a nod, Mae leads him to the car. As he opens the door for Mae, Joan emerges from the bar.

“Wait up!” Joan calls out. “Can you guys give me a lift?” Joan jogs over to them, stumbling once.

“Where's your car?” Mae asks.

“Over there. But I probably shouldn't drive. Man, if I get another D.U.I, I'm so freaking screwed.” Joan looks to Danny for sympathy, appealing to his big heart with her best Oliver Twist impersonation. Danny, in turn, looks to Mae for guidance. Mae's first instinct is to say no, on the grounds that Joan is faking it so she can horn in on the action. But Mae allows herself a moment to consider how guilty she would feel if she allowed Joan to wreck or get arrested because of her own jealousy.
“Do you mind?” Mae asks Danny.

“Not at all. Better safe than sorry.”

“Great. I owe you one.” Joan winks at Danny in another of her endless stream of innuendoes.

They pile into his car and head out. Danny assumes that he should drop Joan off first since she is the interloper, but she has other ideas. In fact, her lobby to be dropped off last is so strong (and actually makes more sense since she lives closer to Danny's house), that he is forced to relent. Mae, tired and eager to be rid of Joan by any means, offers no objection. So, Danny drives Mae back to the office, in elevator like silence. Danny quietly wonders if Mae understands that he only has eyes for her. Mae secretly hopes that Danny will be able to withstand Joan's pornographic onslaught. Joan concocts a plan to deceive her way into Danny's apartment.

They arrive at the office, exchanging good nights before Mae gets out of the car. Danny watches her get into her own car, concluding their evening in a most anticlimactic fashion. They wave goodnight to one another behind the glass of their windows, a moment that feels like the end of a prison visit. Danny, in the role of inmate, puts his hand up to the glass and watches Mae drive out of sight. Joan, playing the part of prison guard, cajoles him out of the moment with a tap of his knee that turns into a suggestive squeezing of his thigh.

Danny tries to take Joan home, but she turns her drunken routine up a notch by pretending to get them lost. They drive around for thirty minutes until Joan comes to the telegraphed conclusion that she is so smashed that she can't remember where she lives. Not knowing what else to do, Danny reluctantly offers to let her crash at his place. She pseudo apologizes for the inconvenience, and accepts the invitation. The go back to his apartment, and he helps her into his bedroom. Danny takes out a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt for her to sleep in and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. He fishes out an old blanket, his lone memento from his childhood, and an extra pillow from his linen closet, and turns his couch into a makeshift bed. He lays down, turns off the light and allows his mind to drift back to Mae. Minutes later, Joan comes out of the bedroom wearing only the T-shirt he gave her. She turns the light on so he can get a good look at her legs in all their splendor.

“Are you going to sleep out here?” Asks Joan.

“Yeah. You take the room.”

“I don't mind sharing the bed. It would be a shame to make you sleep on the couch when there's more than enough room in here.”

“That's okay, I sleep out here all the time. It's very comfortable.”

“Okay then, goodnight.” Joan goes back into the bedroom and closes the door. Danny turns the light off again, and goes to sleep with visions of Mae dancing in is head.

BON VOYAGE

I know I have been remiss in my blogging as of late, but I have been trying to get as much done as I can before I take off this evening. Where to? I'm glad you asked... Xochil, Paris and I are off to the Occidental Resort in Punta Cana for 9 days of fun and sun. And for those of you who don't know where in the heck Punta Cana is (I didn't), its in the mighty Dominican Republic.

I also need to apologize for not finishing my Spokane tales. But I refer to my previous excuse for those who need reasons. In order to make ammends, I'll try to summarize the rest of the trip for those I left hanging...

Day two pretty much consisted of drinking, eating, smoking cigars and MUCH KARAOKE. My mixed martial arts fighting cousin Mikey and his family showed up and took part in the festivities. Sadly my Spokane photos are not on this computer so I will be unable (actually unwilling to go through the trouble of transfering them) to give you photos. What I may do instead is put together a little album of the trip, complete with witty little captions. You know what... that's how I'm going to recap the rest of the trip... with a photo album. Unfortunately for those of you who are just clamoring for more Spokanie goodness, you are going to have to wait until I get back from the Caribbean. And then maybe it will have been so long that no one might give a flying F anymore. Either way I win.

You like how I got out of that? I do. But what can I say, its been two weeks and all the interesting and funny anecdotes are now wiped from my STM (short-term memory). Sorry, but its not easy being this damned interesting all the time. The burden of amusement weighs on me, and it a heavily load... of crap that I am talking. So I will stop before I sounder any stupider (which is amusing to me because "stupider" is not a word).

Okay, moving on...

Actually, I should rephrase that... I'm not moving on, I'm signing off. Why? Because this has been a horrible blog entry. Honestly, I just didn't "feel it" this time around. My blogatory mojo is not working today so I might as well just stop... right... now--

LOVELY

Steve said I use the word "lovely" an awful lot on this blog, so I thought I would mention it and see if anyone has been keeping track of how many times I've used the word.

I'm too lazy to count, but I thought it would be an absolutely lovely idea to mention.

:)
b

THE PAST IS PRESENT

Hi all.. I am off to take Paris to go see SURF'S UP, but before I go I wanted to post a few pictures...


Shout out to Steve for sending me this picture of Harrison Ford from Indy 4. Dun da da da- dun da da!




All I can say is... GO SPEED!

Hopefully Indy 4 and Speed Racer won't be too disappointing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

later,
b

CHECK OUT MY NEW PAGE!

Well, actually it's just the same design with different colors. But it feels a different, right? You will also notice that I have added a few things on the sidebar. You can check out my coloring portfolio so you can see proof that I am actually doing the work I am always talking about.

I have also started posting my short film, BLAME, up on YOUTUBE! You can click on the links on the sidebar if you want to see my directorial debut (for those who haven't or those who can't get enough of all things Brian). Hopefully in the near future I will have all 5 parts of the short uploaded... so if you don't like your short films serialized, you can wait until all five links are up there and watch all at once. That is, if you can stomach wasting 24 entire minutes on something that took a lot of people a lot of time to produce.

So that's the 411 on my new and improved blog... I hope to add more clutter soon. Now I gotta get back to coloring. But let me give you the trivia answer first... The connection between Louis Armstrong and myself (and Steve) is that we both went to Intermediate School 227 in Queens... which was named after the late, great Louie Armstrong because at one time he lived near where the school was. See, I told you it was lame trivia.

Later!
b

SPOKANE DAY 1 (PART 2)

I'm back and ready to take that trip down memory lane. I'm sorry it has taken so long, but perhaps the extra time will enable me to get that added level of perspective that will take the story from pedestrian to pulitzer. Pulitzer?! Uhm, I may be overstating the case a little. Whatever... moving right along...

Okay, so we last left our heroes enroute to Brenda's house and my collision course with the worst Chinese food ever. But before we get there I have to introduce the next round of participants...


After meeting up with the rest of the family we mosied on to the now legendary Chinese restuarant (whose name escapes me). Luckily it was lunch time so we were able to order from the lunch specials menu. Now when I say "lucky" I mean that we were lucky to not have paid full price for the most god awful Chinese food in history (not counting restaurants that use dog,cat and rat meat of course). I ordered the lunch special that was allegedly made up of sweet and sour pork and spicy chicken, along with fried rice and egg drop soup. When the food arrived it... well... I guess a picture is worth a thousand words, so... it looked like this...



If you look closely at my plate, you will notice a reddish sauce over both the chicken and pork, which was peculiar since one was supposed to be sweet and sour and one was supposed to be spicy sauce (of what kind I'm not sure). But being as hungry as I was (having been up since 4:30AM with only a scone and a tiny bag of airplane served banana chips in my belly) I started to chow down on the strange looking fried meats. It was only after I had consumed a good portion of the food that my taste buds registered a complaint. I stopped eating and then all at once it hit me... my food tasted like... CHERRY PIE.

I have absolutely nothing against cherry pie... I like cherry pie. The thing is, I like my cherry pie to be vegeterian. Yeah, meatless cherry pie is the way to go, minus the side of shitty fried rice. So I stopped eating immediately, and although I was completely grossed out, the meal did achieve the objective of taking away my hunger. Unfortunately it also took away my desire to ever eat anything again. But even more unfortunately, that feeling was fleeting because 8 hours later Steve, Mom and I ended up at a sub-mediocre BBQ place for a late night meal of grade C meats slathered with passable BBQ sauce.

Oh and just so you don't think my meal was the only one that sucked ass...

That meal belonged to Steve... and no he didn't order the chicken with apple cobbler on top, that piece of pure culinary perfection was strangely called "almond chicken".

Oh, and lest you think that my food went to waste... it did not. My cousin Jessie and her boyfriend (sorry I don't remember his name) were more than happy to finish my cherry chicken and pork pie. Pictured below...


So there you have it. Although I probably should state again for the record that they served us a platter of cocktail sauce with the food, and saltines with the phlegmy egg drop soup.

I hope you enjoyed that trip down memory lane. I'll be back later to continue with the longest account of a weekend ever. But before I go I will leave you with one of my many picture series from that weekend.

And for the interactive portion of this blog, you can feel free to leave a comment with your title for this picture series.

TODAY'S MUSIC TRIVIA

Do you know who is the oldest person to have a number one hit?




That's right... the great Satchmo, Louis Armstrong recorded "What A Wonderful World" when he was 67. I guess he saved his most well known and often played song for last. And if that wasn't news to you I have the 50 point bonus question... What is the connection between Louis Armstrong and ME?

Stay tuned for the answer (even though its pretty lame)...

b

I'M LAME... BUT I'M ALSO TOP 50!!!

Hi all,

I apologize for not getting back to the business of my Spokane trip, but it has been a hectic week and an even more hectic weekend filled with coloring, rewriting, new outline writing (I just started a new outline for a spec of THE CLOSER), Paris parenting, and snake searching.

Yes, I said snake searching. And by that I mean that while I was feeding Paris' corn snake he got out of his little feeding box and disappeared on me. This caused near massive heart failure and divorce. And by divorce I mean that if I had not found the snake before Xochil came home from her friend's graduation, she would have moved out and probably filed for divorce. As you can imagine she is not a snake person, so the possibility of inhabiting a place with a snake on the loose was... well not really a possibility at all. I am fairly certain that divorce would have been her only recourse.

Luckily I found the snake before she ever knew it was missing. And yes... I did tell her about it after I caught him (he peeked his little albino head out from a crevice under the sink while I was in the kitchen steeling myself for my sad new life as a divorced father). About the only funny thing was that Paris cleverly suggested that I not tell Xochil so that she wouldn't worry. Of course I reminded him that we don't keep secrets from Mommy. Besides, we all know that story ends with her waking up in bed with a corn snake up her nose, followed by... you guessed it... divorce papers.

Anyway, that's the story of my snake search. Oh and by the way, if anyone wants a 1 year old albino corn snake I just happen to have one that needs a new home. And no, Xochil did not ask me to get rid of little Rikki Tikki Tavi (yes I know that's not a proper snake name-- blame Paris). I've decided to get rid of the snake because... in all honesty I am an absent minded fool (blame the bat that smashed my head 17 years ago) and I can't guarantee myself that it won't happen again. So my choice is clear...

Okay since it almost 1AM and I have coloring to do, I'm gonna have to postpone part 2 of the Spokane trip. Sorry folks, but maybe this prolonged wait is building up suspense and anticipation. Too bad that there is no way in heck (can I say heck) that the trip will be able to meet these expectations. Oh well... I'll live.

WAIT!!! Before I go I have to explain the title of this post. You already know why I am lame (like I need to explain), but the reason I am also TOP 50 is that my script LOWLIFES made the SEMIFINALS of the screenwriting contest WRITERS ON THE STORM. For those old school blog readers, you will remember that I mentioned making it to the quarterfinals about a month ago. That was the top 10 percent of the 951 entries... in the semifinals they widdled the 95 quarterfinalists down to 50. Making the top 50 out of almost a thousand is not too shabby if I do say so myself. I'm pretty psyched to be in the top 50, but I will be absolutely ecstatic to make the finals (the top 10). Wish me luck!!!!

That's it for tonight... nighty night!

b

SPOKANE PART 1

Hey there, hi there, ho there...

I finished my coloring deadline, which just means I can concentrate on the bazillion other obligations I have. I finished my Grey's anatomy outline and had it signed off on by my teacher, so that is out of the way. Next I have to do my Witchblade manga translation polish and continue to working on my Fantastic Four pilot rewrite. Oh, and tonight I am taking the family to go see a preview screening of Fantastic Four 2 (shout out to Tim!).

Now back to the Spokane trip...

DAY ONE
Steve, Mom and I got up at a little after 4 AM to get ready and be at the airport for our 6:15AM Alaska Airlines flight. We soldiered on through the early morning and successfully made it onto the plane. Nothing of note happened on the plane ride other than the fact that the flight attendent must have been an incredibly lonely lass because she spent half the time chewing our ears off with her intercom abuse. Overall it was an uneventful flight with the added benefit of more leg room than American Airlines planes.

We had a layover in Seattle and were all hungry and ready to eat. The only problem... it was like 9AM and most every place was serving seafood (being Seattle and all). I did find a place that was serving Omlettes, bacon and biscuits & gravy but for some reason I wasn't sold on the quality of their food. The restaurant's name? MIKO SUSHI OF JAPAN, which pretty much explains why we stayed hungry. I guess I'm not made of sterner stuff...

The commute from Seattle to Spokane was on this small prop plane...



I am happy to report that the plane didn't crash even once. So we successfully laned in Spokane and met up with my Aunt Brenda and cousins Dawnette and Eliza. From there we went to our hotel, the not so accurately named SOLAR WORLD ESTATES...



Okay, now you may not be able to tell from the picture, but I must mention that there was little SOLAR stuff going on, and ESTATES may not be the most accurate way to describe hotel grounds that were directly across the street from this...



Call me crazy but I'm not sure if you should legally be allowed to use that word if your property is surrounded on all sides by trailer parks. I dunno, maybe I'm the asshole. Anyway, after checking in to our beautiful two bedroom "suite" we went on to Brenda's house to meet up with the rest of the family.

But that is going to have to wait until next time. So before I insign off, let me introduce all of the players...



Alrighty then... now that I have thoughtfully supplied you with some faces to go with the names, you can all hold your breath until the next installment. Then I will go into (the much anticipated) excruciating detail about our sojourn to THE WORST CHINESE RESTAURANT in the Pacific Northwest.

More later!
b

COMPUTER MELTDOWN

hey peeps,

Sadly you all will have to wait a little while longer for the Spokane trip blow by blow. My computer freaked out and I am now in the middle of a mad scramble to repair/replace my computer so that I can finish a deadline that is dangerously close to being blown. Thankfully my trusty editors are very understanding.

But before I go I will post a few spokane pics for your enjoyment. The first will be a serious one and the rest... a little less so.


Rest in peace, Paul.





Six words you seldom hear at a Chinese restaurant... "Can I have more COCKTAIL SAUCE?"





A view from the commuter plane.





Who the hell do I think I am?





What time is it?




Anyway, that's all for now... now back to my regularly scheduled computer crisis!

b

IN SPOKANE!

Howdy,

I just wanted to stop by and let you all know that I am in Spokane for my grandfather's memorial service. I will be back on Monday and fill you in with all the wonderful details. But before I go I will give you a little preview of my Spokanian experience.

I am staying at a hotel called the SOLAR WORLD ESTATES. And let me tell you that the word "estates" is not an accurate representation of the quality of the rooms. I think in the state of Washington estates means "shithole".

I hope that keeps you on the edge of your seat!

See you when I get back. And don't worry... I gots pictures!

b

WHERE ARE THE WORDS

I don't know...

I must be tired. SO I will give you another couple pictures...




They're old pictures, but if my math is correct they should still be worth 2,000 words... give or take

Good night!
b

BOOGIE SHOES

These photos were taken a couple weeks ago by Xochil. It was a school function at Paris' school.

There was dancing.

NOTHING TO DO BUT TALK ABOUT THE LOST FINALE

Hey! Another boring day has come and gone without much fanfare. The most exciting thing that happened today was that I watched the LOST season 3 finale. Now I realize that its hard to talk about Lost without giving away major spoilers, so just bear with me as I make another of my grandiose "best ever" statements.

The Lost season 3 two hour finale was the greatest cliffhanger season finale ever!

There, I said it and now I feel better. The Lost writers are friggin geniuses and my hats are off to them. They have successfully turned the show on its head and established an inevitable future that is not exactly the happy ending we had all hoped. In recent episodes I have really started to like Jack the way I did in the first season. The weight of the world is back on his shoulders and he is again reminding me of all of the reluctant heroes that Harrison Ford played when he was pure gold.

Man, I wish I knew some people who were caught up on Lost because I have a serious need to discuss the specifics of the episode. Darn you Steve for waiting for the release of the season 3 box set!!!!!

Okay, that's enough Lost chatter...

I sent off the first 7 pages of my Grey's spec to my classmates. It's just the teaser, but I wanted some feedback so I passed it on. Now those of you that have been keeping up with my blog will know to whom I am refering when I say that SHE is at it again with the opinions. I know she means well, but I gotta say that her opinions grate on me like nothing else! I must be a seriously arrogant prick to get worked up over feedback that I solicited. Yeah, I'm a huge prick Sorry ____________. Sorry that I think your opinions are worth as much as the Scientology mailers I recieve daily. I haven't bought L Ron's $3,000 Mark 7 E meter, and I'm not buying what you are selling either!

Now I'm done. Have a lovely evening...
b

THE FIX IS IN...

Hey there,

I meant to blog earlier but...well I didn't so get off my back! It's not like I'm sitting home playing pocket pool all day. Although... that might be nice. I'm going to have to plan an all day pocket-pool-a-thon. Maybe if I ever catch up on my work...

Anyway, in regards to the fix being in...

On Friday I went to the gym and while in the lockerroom I overheard this man talking about how Super Bowl 3 was fixed! At first I thought it was just the ravings of one bored old man talking to another, but the more this guy talked about it the more it seemed possible. Of course I don't know if he was telling the truth, but consider the evidence that he offered:

1. The NFL-AFL merger agreement stipulated that if the AFL didn't win a Superbowl after 3 years then the contract would be null and void. Greenbay won the first two superbowls, so the AFL HAD to win the third.

2. The line for the superbowl went from the Jets being 21 point underdogs to 18 point underdogs the last day.

3. The Colts owner bet $3 million on the Jets (he called the owner Carroll which i looked up and it turns out thats the original Colts owner's first name- Carroll Robinson) . And afterwards during the post superbowl part at carroll's house, he was way too happy for having lost the superbowl.

4.He claimed to be on the team and he referred to himself in the third person (irrefutible evidence that he was a professional athlete)

5. Johnny Unitas didn't play in the game because he wasn't down with the fix. (this one has the least merit since Unitas got hurt in the beginning of the year and backup EARL MORALL started pretty much every game and the playoffs).

Okay, so that was his proof. Now after hearing this I had to know what this guy looked like. I was just praying he wasn't some four foot ten old guy. I turned the corner and was NOT disappointed. He was HUGE and looked familiar to me. Oh, and the name he referred to himself as... BUBBA. I immediately thought Bubba Smith, but then second guessed myself because I didn't think Bubba Smith played on the Colts. But I went home and did my internet validation. Sure enough Bubba Smith was on the Colts, and why did he look familiar? Because he played MOSES HIGHTOWER in the Police Academy film series (can I call them films?!).

So basically I listened to a former Superbowl player and movie policeman contend that Super Bowl 3 was fixed. And for those who don't remember, Superbowl 3 was the one where Joe Namath gauranteed victory. Also, the best part was that the old man he was talking to knew NOTHING about football and was having trouble following the story. When Bubba said that the owner bet 3 million against his team, the old guy asked if he won the bet. Makes me wonder why he chose to tell this story to that old chump. It also makes me think that this is not the first time he has declared this. Okay, so maybe I'm not breaking a new story here... it was still interesting to me!

Moving on.. the rest of my weekend was quiet and dominated by work and homework. I'm practically done with my Grey's Anatomy outline, and have started writing the actual script already. On Friday night I decided to have a Brian's night out, so I went alone to The Grove to do some writing at Barnes and Nobles before watching the 10:55 showing of KNOCKED UP. My thoughts on the movie... ABSOLUTELY friggin hilarious. Without giving any spoilers I will say that the situations and the jokes were dead on... embarassingly so. Judd Apatow (Undeclared and 40 Year Old Virgin) has an incredible knack for showing the messed up side of being a guy. All the dudes are weird, emotionally immature slackers who would rather be watching nude scenes in movies and farting on each other's pillows than making something out of themselves. He also contrasted them with a slightly older married father who was a miserable jerk who longed to be like the slackers (and was tired ofbeing under the thumb of his excitable wife). All of this stuff was REALLY funny. I recommend it to all!

That's all for now... back to work!

b